Acceptance as freedom

I have been quiet lately over here, not writing or sharing much, and believe it or not, not reading “much” either (my typical 3 books a week has gone down to 1…). I am in a state of just being with what is, and most of the time, what is, is opening a new perspective of looking at how I deal with life and myself. I try to repeat old known comfortable patterns, especially in uncomfortable situations, even if they aren’t useful to me anymore, but the sea and its rhythm is a strict guide and won’t let me be who I “think” I should be, but obliges me to just Be.

My need for control has had to surrender to the changing cycles of its own timings. Weather patterns have me melting into submission. I can’t even think anymore, which is where I relied most of my “value”.

When we are stripped down to our own emptiness, something amazing happens. In the abyss of powerlessness we find a new spark that lights a new way of finding and feeling the ground we stand on and the roots that hold us down. That spark for me has been acceptance. Acceptance of a situation I can’t change, even if I tried really hard to think my way through it, has showed me acceptance of the process my psyche goes through on ITS OWN timing, and not the timing “i” want. Or at least that “i” that is the maker of many fake identities I attach “my”Self to, probably because of that inherent fear of disappearing into the oblivion that is to know the One.

Maybe all this won’t make any sense to many, but I now feel that in this chaotic container of not trying to “understand” and “think”, I swim in a newfound sense of freedom. And I repeat to myself, it’s ok things have evolved, it’s ok I will never be the person I thought I would be at this stage of my life, it’s ok I didn’t pursue my other dreams of other forgotten lives and expectations so far off from where I am, because my true value, and my peace and happiness, can never be attached to an external ever changing circumstance.

Value resides in knowing that whoever we are is enough in every moment. Whatever our timing in life, it is always the correct one. Now I feel what acceptance is, even if I don’t understand, and that’s ok too. Peace resides in accepting what is. And happiness, well, happiness for me is to have freedom and feel free to live it all completely immersed on life’s up and downs. The darkness and the light always playing and dancing in my heart.