Category: Reflections

There is a strange contentment that comes from embracing the darkness. It’s a void of deep peace. A cave only the heart knows where to rest.

The smoke is only the consequence of pleasure. That inhale of the cigarette that kills the lungs but awakens the soul. It’s the symbolic life that courses through my veins.

No amount of certainty can erase the pleasures of the Unknown.

Death is the great revealing, the dismemberment of the thoughts that treaded in existential anxiety for so long.

To know that there is an ending gives harmony to the whole charade. This play, the theatre and dance of life. How extremely powerful is the moment we let her lead; Life. Not all these ideas of wanting to belong. All these ideas of wanting to be seen. All these ideas of who we should be.

Pleasure and pain, companions in the journey to oneself, to wholeness. Revealing and concealing the light of truth; we are nothing reflected upon everything.

There is a strange contentment that comes from embracing the darkness.

This existential longing that pulls the thread of my being… like a spider web that is weaved into the fabric of space-time.

All paths lead eventually to the centre. To the confrontation with what is or isn’t impermanent…

The continuum we created to identify ourselves with, must one day detangle by the force of the wind, of rain, of nature, of life. And the storm will come, with ferocious spontaneity…

What will we do then, when there is no thread to hold on to?

No web to fall into?

Will we learn to weave in the liminal emptiness again?

All paths lead eventually to the centre… To the Void.

Our Heart itself is the only Home.

There is no certainty.

Whoever we think we are, we are not. Whoever we wish we were, we are not.

When the heart breaks, and the “I” dissolves, we can find ourselves stripped naked from the ideas that created a continuum through memories, dreams, longings…

We are not those either. There is no certainty about who we are from the perception of the “I” that was carefully built to fit the story we wanted to tell ourselves.

Who we are cannot be contained in any descritption that lives in time and space. The truth shines bright when we fall through the abyss and we have nothing but the darkness to hold on to.

Like in meditation, only forgetting ourselves truly opens the door to remembrance. Like upon waking up, in that split second, when we haven’t gathered yet the thought of “me” and “mine”.

That’s the great paradox of questioning “who am I?”. It’s in the searching where we lose ourselves….

I have no answers. I don’t even know if I still have questions. But at last I can just rest in this space between known and unknown.

There is no certainty.

Time devours us back into the void.

It tears apart the thoughts that made us believe we were separate from Darkness, when emptiness has always been the fertile ground for our unfolding Becoming.

It is only in the returning that we feel whole.

Dismemberment precedes re-memberance.

Descent precedes ascent.

Forgetting will precede resting in who we are, and will bring us back to whom we belong; to the womb and tomb of Life.

Yesterday while sailing and chanting to Her, I asked for a sign to guide me, to comfort me about certain things that are pulsating right now in our lives…

Winds of change are constantly blowing, and if we are silent and still enough to hear and feel, we can hoist the sails up and flow to the dance of the eternal. I quieted my soul enough to listen. And I waited patiently for the sign I was asking for…

Hours passed and the sun set and I went into the dreamland surrendering to the fact that nothing had been revealed. No sign. No comfort except the knowledge that things never happen when I want them to, but in their own correct timing.

I drifted away in my slumber only to awake at 5am, for reasons unknown, I just needed to be conscious. And under a blanket of stars, I saw my sign clearly. The stars were not only sparkling in the skies above me, and shooting stars too, but also stars in the sea below our boat. Bioluminescence, shiny plankton, spiraling and dancing in the waters that sustain me.

Above and below I saw the magnificence of being alive and I felt it all. My tears washing away the fear, the light washing away the darkness, if only momentarily to allow me to be grateful for its deep wisdom.

It’s only in this darkness that I can appreciate the light.

Life gave me what I asked for in the most magical way and for that I am grateful. There will always be things that are out of our control, but I know one thing that is, and it’s my faith in knowing that whatever happens, we can always find a sparkle of hope and growth and deep wisdom in the unknown plan of the Universe. Thank you.