Today was a hard day for me. Emotionally. This coming back to “the real world” for a few days was harder than I thought. It’s not hard in the sense of commodities and living (here I have even more than I need, and maybe that’s the problem), but it opened my eyes once more to what we think a “normal life” is. How is it possible that the world revolves around so so many things, objects, material possessions that people think will make them happy? What hurts me deep inside is knowing that most of those things are tinted in blood and suffering. And in the end, it isn’t even going to be sold. Most things will end up being thrown away and forgotten. Forgotten the same way as we forget the unjust trade that is behind most of the things we buy. And our Mother Earth??? Is it really necessary to make her suffer this way? Cutting her open again and again, making her scream… and then, we will be the ones screaming and crying in terror asking why she fights back… I don’t know… Today I feel angry, but mostly sad. I feel like my 15 year old self crying all the time because I can’t hold the weight of the world in my shoulders. Sure you will tell me it mustn’t affect me so much, it mustn’t affect me that millions of people are refugees in one point of the world with nothing, not even a country!, while others are just filling their homes with things. I used to believe that too. I repeated for many years ‘don’t be too sensitive’. Now I understand that fighting it doesn’t serve ME personally. I cried today. But I also understood a deeper truth about myself: I NEED and WANT it to affect me. I don’t want to ignore the pain. I want it to be here by my side, suffering and pain, because they make me stronger and more able to fight to make myself, and whomever I can help, a better version of themselves. This pain only makes me want to do something more. And if that is the purpose of my suffering right now, it is more than welcome to stay.