Returning

To sit for a few moments a day in complete stillness, just a few breaths, makes all the difference in my life. I remember those years when I never stopped; moving, thinking, doing.

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I know a silent sitting meditation practice is not for everyone, that’s why there are millions of ways to tune in. But for me, this practice brings me back to myself and makes me realise how nothing is ever completely still, how impermanence is the root of living, and how emptiness is the essence of all possibilities.

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Why do you practice? Why do I practice?

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I ask myself this question constantly. If I am honest, I still have a reason to do it, and it is to understand my mind, and the all encompassing Mind. To know myself and therefore know Existence and All that Is. But deep inside I feel I have a long way to go until I finally practice just to practice, without expectation, without attachment to the ‘fruits of my actions’.

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Accepting I am human and I desire things, even if it is things like peace of mind, has been my long forgotten lesson, on repeat constantly. I don’t know exactly why I am so afraid of admitting this to myself, and why I deny myself the opportunity of committing mistakes, but I am working on it.

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I use my practice of movement and sitting as a tool to live on this earth in this moment in time. I use different methods until they stop working for me to deal with suffering or with the fear of the unknown. And yoga, philosophy, meditation and art have been my tools for as long as I can remember.

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It isn’t an easy path, the journey towards the centre of Oneself, but I can’t not choose it. Something in me knows this is my path, and it has always been. This journey of becoming, of returning home. Remembering I was never gone…