Journey To The Self – Viaje Hacia El Ser

Author: Danah Blanco

  • Silence

    For as long as breath
    fills the present instant
    there is Nowhere else to go.

    .

    For as long as mind
    is focused in the moment,
    there is No One else to Be.

    .

    I close my eyes and let
    the rivers of tears
    flow to my chest
    and rest in my heart.

    .

    I pray for the fear to leave.
    I pray for the pain to desist.
    I pray for suffering to end.

    .

    Silence.

    .

    When breath and mind,
    heart and soul,
    are dwelling in the infinite silence
    of the eternal present,
    there is Nowhere else to go.
    No One else to Be.

    .

    I remember this.
    I breathe.
    I stay in the uncomfortable
    embrace of the Unknown.
    Fear, pain and suffering
    become illusions of a world
    that is asleep and dreaming.

    .

    Silence. 

  • I dwell in the memories…

    I dwell in the memories
    of words never spoken.
    I am the meaning of
    All that Is.
    I live without ever being seen.
    I Die, only to live again forever.
    I live through the deepest
    knowing; I am here.
    I exist in the deepest corner
    of Emptiness.
    I am in every You, you run away from.
    I am in every Me I fear to Be.

    .

    I Am.

  • This emptiness

    This emptiness fills me.
    The longing for meaning,
    for something timeless,
    for truth,
    for the eternal embrace of
    freedom from fear,
    longing for the source of everything
    fuels my existence.
    If the search ends
    what is left?

    .

    Nothing.

    .

    Not my identity.
    Not me.

    .

    Only emptiness.

    .

    Emptiness.

    …
    The path to peace isn’t really in the longing, in the search, in the looking outward for anything. I am aware of this. I know. The path to peace is letting go of the things that obscure our vision from seeing clearly that peace is already here, was always here, within us. There is Nothing to search for, only if like me, the essence of that Emptiness you always find by looking outwards fuels your passion and existence in this life.

  • I am not here… 

    I am not here to tell you what to do.
    I am not here to tell you how to be you.
    I am not here to lead you anywhere.
    I am not here to judge you.
    I am not here to heal you.

    .

    I am here as a reflection of you.
    I am here as a mirror.
    I am here to learn from you.
    I am here to learn from me reflected on you.
    I am here to Be.
    I am.

  • I need to let go

     

    Photo by me in South Africa

    When I was a little girl, I was physically punished/abused many years by my caretakers/nannies.

    I was so terrified of the consequences that I never told my parents, or anyone, except for one of my sisters, who is only a year younger than me and suffered the same fate. We were so afraid of telling anyone. That experience has shaped us and brought us so close.

    Everyday at night, those ladies used to ask us “what did you do wrong today?” assuming and making us look for something “bad” we had done and then punish us accordingly by hitting us in different ways.

    For a very long time I thought I was over this. I thought I didn’t have any traumas, or anything. I thought I was already passed that point. But I guess some memories are coming back to me now for a reason. To heal.

    When I was 9 something happened in me and my fear of them turned into rage and I exploded confessing everything to one of my best friends who was older than me, and she took action by telling her mom, my mom, and those nannies were vanished from our house and lives forever.

    But the pain from that experience I am sure lives in all of us involved still.

    Like my fear. Like my rage. Like my guilt.

    I do not know how I have only realised now, when I am almost 32, that this is one of the biggest reasons I am how I am.

    This is why I like limits, and laws, and rules of behaviour because it makes me feel safe that if I am “good” and “perfect” inside what is asked of me, I will not be punished.

    This is why I am incapable of reacting to things not going the way I want with nothing else but frustration and anger. Because I am terrified. Terrified that if I am not “a good girl” something horrible is going to happen to me or the ones I love. Like my sister. I was supposed to save her, protect her, and I just kept silent.

    This is why I have so much guilt and shame. I feel so ashamed I didn’t say anything.

    Working with my Shadow has opened up a whole new level of understanding for me. I still don’t know what to do about all this, but I am happy I see it. Even if I am opening the wound a bit, I need to see deeper, I need to know, to feel.

    I need to let go.