Journey To The Self – Viaje Hacia El Ser

Category: Reflections

  • Forgive and let go

    Photo by me in Tenerife

    I am forgiving myself.

    I am.

    For all the mistakes I thought I made, because I am here because of them; because I have learned what I don’t want anymore.

    I forgive myself for not knowing; for hurting others, even if it wasn’t my intention.

    I forgive myself for being how I was, because it was necessary for me to continue becoming who I am.

    I forgive others, I forgive them all. I forgive every single hurt my heart has known. I forgive every betrayal, every lie, every painful experience done to me, with or without intention.

    Forgiveness sets me free from being tied to the pain I thought these memories caused, but they don’t anymore. I see a blank page. A clear mind. And even clearer heart that knows what not to want. An emptying of my soul by spilling the overflowing water that needs to run free.

    I forgive and let go.

    ••••

    I wrote this without thinking too much, it’s what I have been feeling lately with the energies that surround me and I sense this shifting away from who I thought I was for so long.

    I just wanted to say here, that I am of the opinion that not everyone has to forgive everything or anything. Only now in my life I feel light enough to let go of certain pains that used to clench my heart, jaw and fists, but I really think there is nothing wrong when someone doesn’t feel like forgiving. The time will or will not come for it and it’s all ok. It’s truly a personal path this life, isn’t it?

  • Beginnings

    Photo by me in Tenerife

    September has arrived and I am still integrating the arrival of this year. I have not yet landed. I am in this liminal space where nothing happens, and everything passes.

    Internal change roars so strongly that it prevents me from opening my eyes to the outside world.That which was hidden ceases to be trapped inside, and I needed to listen with all my being the intimate silence of my most wounded voice.

    I can start to smell change in the wind.

    I feel in my roots the passage between endings and beginnings.

    The light is dimming. Finally letting me glimpse, without so much blinding fire, the present suffering as the great teacher of my longing. The desire to merge into myself, to reorder the shattered pieces of a puzzle that was once thought complete, and that now changes form and function.

    From air, to the waters of my internal oceans through which I have finally dared to dive. Knowing that I can finally breathe.

    Wet dirt under my feet. The weeds that I tear in the garden take away the pieces of me that weigh me too much.

    Increasingly lighter, my eyelids begin to open. And in this half-opening to being, half-opening to acceptance, I find the peace and calm that spills between my thoughts.

    September smells like beginnings, but also like eternities.

  • Perspective

    Photo by me

    A change of perspective is all that’s needed to remember that all is valid and true from where one stands.🌻

    Even sunflowers who follow the light where it turns have a Shadow side. And it’s beautiful when integrated.💛

  • Tools

    Art by me

    I was thinking about what I really want to do in this life that has been gifted to me, and now I can say without fear, guilt or shame, that I don’t know.

    I think this is one of the greatest gifts my practice has given me. The acceptance of the unknown and the strength to survive it.

    What practice? Some of you ask me sometimes. The tools I use for self-knowledge and reflection have been many, including writing, body movement, breath, lucid dreaming, study of philosophy, therapy (Jungian/depth psychology), study of myths, legends, stories and symbols, astrology, alchemy, Tarot, art (study of it and actually making symbolic art) and yoga (all parts of it especially it’s philosophical and psychological approach) and meditation (from all backgrounds, spiritual practices and religions).

    These are my tools. I have been using them since I can remember (only yoga and meditation came later in life, around 12 years ago now). But each of us has a distinct way of being alive, and each of us must find what works best to be able to actually live our lives.

    Yes, my greatest fear is living. Fear of freedom of choice. Fear of being solely responsible for myself. Fear that everything is actually possible. Fear of the immensity and eternity of life. I still live with this fear, but the tools I have chosen (or, have they chosen me?) help me keep a greater perspective on being here and now.

    When I deeply think and feel what I want for my life, there is always this voice that whispers that all I want is for everyone to find their own personal tools… to live their lives. I don’t know how yet, when or where, but I feel somehow this is the key of being here, in service, as I always felt I came to be.

  • Trust

    Photo by me

    Yesterday was a rough day. Things happened that weren’t planned.

    Things out of our control throw us sometimes into a confused state. Change always happens even if we are unconscious about it.

    Yesterday something different happened too; my reaction to the changes unfolding in front of me wasn’t one of total despair and lack of confidence.

    I admit that in a split second I had doubts if what was happening was real or a dream (as I work a lot with lucid/conscious dreaming this happens sometimes, but yesterday it was accompanied by a mild panic moment of really not knowing).

    Through it all happening and unfolding before me, I was scared, but there was this new feeling, new lightness being born from the depths of my being.

    Trust. I trusted. Like I’ve never trusted before.

    In a moment of despair I looked up for a second while waiting for answers, and there it was, a beautiful rose. One of the many places I feel Her presence. A reminder my loved ones are always cared for and held. No matter what, I trust in a guidance that is so much greater than myself.

    All is good, we are all good, everyone is good thankfully, and my heart is grateful for it all. The fear, the losing control, the trust that was birthed. Thank you Life.