Author: Danah Blanco

Photo of me in Indonesia

I am tired of reading messages about Yoga or Meditation being a path to being positive. Positivity is not a goal. Happiness just is. Happiness doesn’t mean positivity forever 100% of the time. Being happy means accepting when we are positive, when we are negative, when we are sad, when we are angry, when we are fearful, when we are frustrated, etc. Peace of mind doesn’t mean lying to everyone, especially to yourself, and saying “yes, I’m ok, everything is always good”. No. not everything feels always ‘good’ and no, it doesn’t have to, for you to be in peace. Peace of mind and happiness can only come from the acceptance of the darkness as part of the same coin as light is. The acceptance of this polarity is what sets us free. So if you wish to hear a postive message all the time to make you feel better about yourself or your life, I am not the person really to teach you. When I teach yoga or meditation I make it clear that you are enough as you are in that moment. Nothing else. I won’t tell you to smile or even to move on your mat if you only feel like staying in child’s pose and crying your heart out. I will set a space for you to feel free to be yourself, to journey through yourself, to learn from yourself. Yoga is a path of self discovery, not a path to positivity. There cannot be one thing without its contrary.

 Photo by me in Indonesia

And the sunset whispered to me, that nothing ever ends. That he lives in the time of no-time, painting colours in the air. That light and darkness are one and the same, each of them alive and dead… all words for ‘change’.

  Photo of me and Shiva in Indonesia

Life has been such a rollercoaster lately…. And for the first time ever I feel I am actually learning the lesson of letting go of control. My life right now is being held by two very thin threads, two very different and opposite options are awaiting my final choice. Should I stay or should I go? My heart is telling me one thing, my brain another one. I have no control over the outcome and I am learning to live with the fear of the unknown. Life doesn’t work out the way we planned it… it always has some lesson hiding behind the shadow waiting to be revealed. And this is so necessary for growth, I know. It’s not the first time in my life that I work really hard for something just to lose it all…. I am not afraid of losing it all again, it’s not that…. It’s the fact that I do not know where to go from here, where I thought I was home. Another great illusion, because home really is where our heart is, not a physical place…. So right now I am sitting with all my fear, my anger, with betrayal and a broken heart, just breathing and trying to listen to the voice within me that always knows what to do…. I don’t know where I will be tomorrow, or where my life will take me from here, but I do know one thing and one thing only, wherever I am, I must be in peace with my decision, and for that to happen, I will always follow my heart no matter how much material things get lost in the way. Things are just things, but having a good and kind heart with no regrets is all I ever want.

  Photo by me in Indonesia

I’ve always had this obsession with textures. I love touching everything and feeling everything…. I guess I am learning to also feel everything in another level; emotionally, physically, spiritually, and trying not to run away from it…. Same as when I touch something with my fingertips, I touch the deeper layers of my self and feel them with curiosity and an open mind… At least I try… A lot of things have been happening in my life lately, and if I look back, this cycle has been going on for four years…. I feel somehow a need for closure of some kind, maybe the death of something in me… I feel I need it… Death is so necessary to make space and be reborn… Many mixed emotions and many thoughts just brewing in the inside. But soul knows. My soul knows I am not my passing emotions and my thoughts. I am eternal. We all are. The gap between me and “me” is growing each day…. I can see clearly sometimes, others I am blinded once again…. For now, I will continue with my textures, the ones within, and the ones without…

 Photo by me in Indonesia

Life is never perfect, even in the most perfect surroundings or amidst the most perfect circumstances. Maybe I must say, life is perfectly imperfect, orchestrated to give us what we need to learn in each stage, instead of what we want. Dreams do come true, but not without effort from our part. I might live in an idyllic island paradise, but I also have my everyday problems of trying to run a business here. And I stress, I get angry, I cry, and sometimes I ask myself if this wasn’t the greatest mistake of my life. Being here, far away from the people I love, for what? But then I just sit down and listen within, and I know deep inside things take time, and I know I am here for a reason; at least to learn where I want to be or not be in the future. Life is full of surprises. I’ve decided to let go and surrender. I will try to make this work, but if it doesn’t, I don’t only have one dream!