Journey To The Self – Viaje Hacia El Ser

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  • The unknown known of nature

    Photo by me in Tenerife

    I walk around the garden and I feel life around me blooming. I have a special connection to nature that is different to my other over-intellectualised passions.

    It’s in my own essence to want to know everything, an eternal seeker, of truth and beauty above all.

    But nature… my curiosity and attraction for it is fueled from a place below, from an unknown known that speaks the voice of instinct and intuition. The witch’s voice deep within me, the potion medicine maker in my heart.

    I walk around the garden and I feel a whisper in the back of my neck, I turn around and I can instantly see between the weeds, or hidden away, a new flower, a new fruit, a bee as messenger of the Goddess speaking to me in their own language… I feel where I need to plant what, I feel what new species are growing without touching a book, I just suddenly look at a plant or flower and hear them in me saying “more water please” or “sing to us today”.

    It has never happened to me before with anything else… and I am letting myself get swept away with this gift because it brings me actual joy and happiness to experiment in this way.

    A part of me will always be questioning everything, reality itself for that matter, but when I feel in my bones the voices of the unknown known I always listen, and books, practice, people that really know about nature, always end up confirming these voices… They are the soul of nature that speaks to all of us, if we just learn to be quiet enough to listen. Thank you Mama Gaia, I love you.

  • Dancing words

    “Notes like droplets,
    move my body, still my mind;
    light my soul on fire.
    .
    From the ashes of my forgotten Self,
    I will rise again as One.
    .
    I spiral up and down, turning and turning;
    eyes closed, heart wide broken;
    ephemeral desires, immortal silence.
    .
    The language spoken in movement;
    the dancer is the dance, is the dancing;
    Light as guide, and Death as master”.
    .
    .
    .
    In the darkest moments I thought I lost you, down below… but soon enough I realised it was you sustaining me all along.

    You, part of me, who I thought forgotten, were only waiting for me to see you. And I do at last. I see you. I hear you. I dance you. I love you.

    You, my dark sister, my other half. From our integration comes my freedom to become the real, true fragment of mySelf, instead of an unconscious whole.

    I am ready to be completely Me. From this surrender my inner voice was freed. Once I let myself be, words turn to spells, to magic, alchemy, and start guiding me back to the realisation I never left my heart.

    Thank you Life for bringing me back to me, so I can hear again the words you whisper through my soul.

  • Se puede

    Cuando se quiere, se puede…

    Me levanto así con varios pensamientos aleatorios que esta situación van trayendo a mi mente…

    •Se puede consumir menos, trayendo la atención a lo necesario, y el mundo sigue girando.

    •Se puede perfectamente crear nuevas leyes y multas, como multar a gente que se salta cuarentenas, porqué no se puede entonces multar al instante por tirar plástico al suelo o contaminar?

    •Se puede de repente tener dinero en los gobiernos para paliar la situación. Y la situación desoladora de otras muchas cosas que azotan la Tierra y a millones de humanos? Nos afecta igual que el virus. El virus mata más rápido en nuestra perspectiva temporal, pero todo lo demás nos mata igual, sólo que más lento.

    •Se puede volver a una vida sencilla, en contacto con uno mismo, con los más cercanos, con la Naturaleza, y a la vez tener un sentido de pertenencia al mundo entero y al cosmos.

    •Se puede conducir menos, ir a menos sitios, comprar menos, comer menos (no sé yo si muchos lo contrario en esta cuarentena!) viajar menos, coger menos aviones, llenar los vacíos de menos cosas, quedarse en el ahora más tiempo.

    •Se puede aceptar la realidad. Se puede aceptar el sufrimiento, el dolor, la muerte… se puede aceptar todo con amor.

    Todo se puede, si uno quiere.

    Lo que ya sabía, y no me sorprende nada, es que muchos sólo actuamos cuándo algo nos afecta o nos toca directamente.

    Y qué más tiene que pasar para que nos replanteemos nuestras formas de vivir, trabajar, comer, viajar, comunicarnos, hablarnos, tocarnos, sentirnos, cuidarnos…???

    Aquellos que de verdad crean que volveremos a la normalidad, van a sufrir mucho. Primero por tener expectativas, y segundo, por tener expectativas irreales. NADA, NUNCA, es lo mismo, ni se vuelve a ninguna normalidad nunca, y mucho menos en una situación que es global y de este tipo. No hay vuelta atrás. A lo mejor alguien tenía que escribirlo pero, es así. Mi vida no será la misma. Tu vida nunca va a ser igual. El mundo no es el mismo ya.

    Me pregunto ahora, si se puede, qué es lo que quiero? Pues voy a soñar a lo grande a pesar de que por dentro, ya sabéis, soy mucho más pesimista y para ver estos resultados seguramente queden unos miles de años más de evolución de corazón.

    •Quiero un mundo dónde prime el valor humano y no el dinero, el poder, etc.

    •Quiero que haya una economía circular basada en las comunidades locales. Cambios locales para crear efectos y cambios globales.

    •Quiero que haya muchísimo menos consumo de cosas innecesarias, y por supuesto, que se fabriquen menos. Al final muchas cosas acaban en la naturaleza.

    •Quiero que se pueda crear una concienciación y solidaridad tan rápida cómo ahora, con otras causas que también nos afectan, puede ser o no directamente a la salud. Contaminación, refugiados, violencia, hambre, etc.

    •Quiero que se preste atención a la desigualdad, las personas más vulnerables… todos esos problemas que tenemos cada día en cada rincón del planeta.

    •Quiero poder levantarme sabiendo que a todos nos afecta cómo actúa el otro y que por eso mismo TODOS decidimos trabajar sobre nosotros mismos buscando el equilibrio interior y pasando a la acción desde nuestro centro, siempre por el bien de todos los seres y el mundo. Estamos interconectados con TODO.

    •Quiero que cuando hable de catástrofes y sufrimiento que van a seguir llegando (esto es sólo la primera fase de una caída a los infiernos mucho más grande) y cosas así, la gente no me mire como si estuviera loca. Sino que se atrevan a confrontar la ÚNICA VERDAD en la que todos estamos de acuerdo: la Muerte. Voy a morir. Vas a morir. La gente que amas va a morir. La persona que tocas hoy, el día de mañana va a morir. Por mucho que se quiera no pensar en ello, no verlo, no significa que no vaya a pasar.

    •Por eso quiero que la Muerte sea uno de los temas centrales del nuevo mundo. Aprender a morir bien, para saber vivir.

    Y paro aquí porque como siga escribo un libro imaginando el nuevo mundo en el que me gustaría despertar. Pero aquí estoy, aquí y ahora, y lo que realmente quiero es que cada uno de nosotros sienta que todos estamos conectados siempre, y que cada pensamiento, acción, reacción, crea la realidad de todos.

    Qué mundo sueñas tú?

  • I see the world beyond the world

    I see the world beyond the world.

    I can see, without having to look.

    I can feel, without having to analyse.

    I can know, without having to think.

    Knowledge turns to wisdom,
    there is nothing left to prove.

    Nothing to win,
    nothing to lose.

    In the deepest silence,
    there is ought to be a cry.

    The birth of someone old,
    coming back to be renewed.

    •••

    In this chaotic ocean of lost, missing, and hidden parts, lies the wholeness I so wish to integrate. In the acceptance that to feel complete, no severed parts must be left behind without a touch of attention. Maybe not everything has a reason, but everything has a deep meaning for me. All is the map of my soul that leads me Home.

  • 2019

    Gift from Hinton, photo by me

    “The tree that would grow to heaven must send its roots to hell.” Nietzsche.

    If there ever was a sentence that rings true for me this year, this is it.

    For the past 10 years I have grown so much, changed in ways I couldn’t have predicted, always in pursue of a better version of myself that could be more than enough and worthy of this life, in pursue of the light, in pursue of inner peace and my home in this existence… and I forgot the most important lesson of them all: balance.

    But Life is always wiser than I think I am, and always has a way of putting things back into the balanced perspective. I flew and flew so high, that I burnt my wings in the realisation that nothing underground is sustaining my height. No roots, no base, just a falsely justified list of old values and beliefs that had served their purpose in the past and that were so dusty and old they couldn’t be more than a memory dissolving… hopefully integrating in myself.

    It has been a powerful, transformative and truly painful descent to my undergroung cave deep below. Step by step I walked through shadows of my own making, I put on and took off many masks, I uncovered deeply hidden potential waiting to be acknowledged, I forgave, I remembered, I held my own hand and descended through every portal until the only thing left was absolute darkness.

    I was afraid, but I was more tired. I was angry, but I was more tired. I was sad, but I was more tired. I had to let go of my tight grasp on who I thought I was, who I think I am, and surrendered and closed my eyes. I spiraled into the abyss. I cried myself into ecstasy. And in that unbearable sufferring that still brings tears to my eyes as I write, I felt it. I felt it all. All.

    I felt myself die. I felt all the parts of me I left behind and locked away. I felt how cruel I had been to the me’s that had helped me survive in the past. I felt my heart burst open in my chest as I held my inner self in a compassionate embrace. I felt how all I believed in became smoke, ascending away into oblivion.

    You might think that the pain persisted when I emptied myself from all that I thought I was, maybe we think it is the absence of something that creates perpetual suffering. But the emptiness that shook me awake gave me the greatest gift this year; hope. Hope. A bright tiny star shining in the centre of my being reminds me I am held even when I am nothing more than relatedness and relationships, a little minuscule part of it all, but part of it all nonetheless, and that is more than enough.

    I close the year knowing I gave myself permission for the first time in my life to really let myself guide me wherever I needed to go. It was, and continues to be an inner journey. Not many will understand, but these inner landscapes and images and life are the truest part of my existence, so much more than the external. I had always known, and at last, I listen.

    I would like to end by saying THANK YOU. You all know who you are. Thank you for supporting this journey of mine. Eternal journey to the Self.