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There are no words that could possibly explain the rush of mixed emotions that are arising in me lately. It’s as if I could cry and laugh in the same exact moment. I am grounded and floating in the Unknown. I feel expansive and at the same time feel so lost, so stuck, I cannot breathe. I am, and I am not.

These moments remind me of liminal spaces. Liminal moments. The moments in-between. The space between the inhale and the exhale, between the exhale and the inhale. The space between a thought, and the next one. The space between dying and being born again. The space between the death of who we thought we were, and the realisation that we are never static, but change itself. The space between who we were, and who we are now.

I am swimming in this liminal void where laugh, or cry, or joy, or suffering, are nothing more but the waters of life overflowing from my heart, into the soul of the world. And the soul of the world sustains ME, change itself, in it’s chaotic order of beingness. In these primordial waters I drown and drown and drown…. and patiently accept the death that liberates another life.

There’s a drop of change hanging from the centre of my heart… a drop that no longer belongs to the abyss I plunged myself in, but to the breath I just came back up to take.

I feel the release, I feel the shift, I feel at last my body’s whispers with no need for screams.

Trusting all is moving me towards life, I surrender to it’s waters, to it’s depths, and also to it’s surface.

A drop becomes the ocean when, like now, I can feel my Soul as part of it.

I can at last Be, now that I know myself as the drop, the water, the ocean, and the movement itself.

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I have always been very intuitive and thought of it as a gift mostly, as a curse sometimes. There are many things we all know without words existing to explain them… and here is where my shift is coming through…

I don’t need to know anymore why I know what I know.

I am in peace in myself, in peace in my place, in my time, as part of it all.

At last, at last, at last… I am Home.

Thank you life for your darkness that showed me who I Am. Thank you life for your light that reminds me why.

This unconscious weight I carry, this unconscious burden, complex, neurosis, whatever it might be called… this heavy uneasiness of being and breathing, blocking the longing of my heart, is slowly becoming visible. It’s slowly lighting up the parts that were ignored for too long.

I am not afraid this time, because I am tired. Tiredness always wins the battle, and probably will win the war too. Tiredness leads me personally to surrender. It has always been my last resting place before letting go.

The fire starts with anger, with a hidden force I never thought possible in me, a frustration and rage that moves me into actions and reactions, into movement, ignoring the still, quiet nature of my pain underneath it all.

I need to explode so that after the fires have been put out, I can cover my grieving soul with the ashes of my experience.

Then, I rest in the solitude that sadness brings me, washing away with its rivers of tears the projected passions I had unleashed. In that dark void of sadness I find the quiet truth.

That I am tired, nothing else.

Tired of this game I play with myself. Tired of ignoring Her, my Soul, who always waits patiently for my embrace. In this endless dance I am still learning; the embrace of my inner world, and the reality of an outside world that crumbles around me. And sustaining it all is my Soul, and the Soul of the World.