Blog

Art by me

Artistic exploration is a means by which I access another part of myself that otherwise is kept hidden. The fact that when I create anything artistic I never have a plan, is a big deal for me. In my normal life I am that kind of person, who always thinks has a ‘plan’. Even though I know through experience that there is totally NO control over life, I still like to have my ‘plans’. The vastness of the Unknown sometimes terrifies me and sometimes attracts me to its depths; especially through art. Letting go of myself to just be My Self… I am slowly learning how to do this in Meditation. There, I sometimes stumble with the dark abyss of Nothingness; sometimes I dive deep, sometimes I’m afraid… But that’s another story. Artistic expression is necessary in the world, it is here for a reason… Nothing exists without purpose.

I wrote this as my philosophy presentation for the end of my first 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training with the great Jim Harrington at Reunion Yoga, in Cape Town. After 10 years of Meditation and Yoga practice I feel blessed to have had this amazing opportunity of learning and growing. I honour with these writings the lineage of all great teachers, and hope that, us, new ones, can pass on this eternal wisdom to generations to come. Thank you to all who choose the path of sharing knowledge and spreading wisdom. I love you all. Namaste! Sat Nam! Shanti Om!

“Death said: ‘God made sense turn outward, man therefore looks outward, not onto himself. Now and again a daring soul, desiring immortality, has looked back and found himself. The ignorant man runs after pleasure, sinks into the entanglements of death; but the wise man, seeking the undying, does not run among things that die.’ “ Katha-Upanishad.

In the Katha-Upanishad, one of the primary ones dated around 400 BCE, we find this statement, in between other concepts of yoga. Here, in my opinion, we can see a summary of the teachings of all the great sages of all times. I could sit here in front of you and try to analyse one by one all the philosophical doctrines since the first writings dating back 5000 years. But I won’t. In another time of my life, I probably would have, like a good ‘bookworm’ and an obsessed with philosophy and history person would. But life has taught me through my personal path in Meditation and Yoga that words are just that, words, unless experienced.

This is how my journey started. I was 9 and I was looking for the meaning of life. I thought books were the answer. I searched and searched, and I really understood everything intellectually. With time, and age, I thought myself to be a really wise person. But that was just an illusion. I was looking outwards for something that already was in me.

Jnana Yoga, the path of knowledge, was my first step, until by synchronicities of life, I ended up meeting my teacher and mentor Swaranita, many years ago. There, with her, I understood that true wisdom can only come from personal experience. I felt things I can’t even put in words. Words are the jail of meaning, of understanding. So many concepts, tags, and so little feelings sometimes.

I started listening to the silence and realised that only when there is nothing, can everything exist. But that path too turned out to be just another step in my journey. I realised I couldn’t hold on to anything, and that I forever, had to be a student.

In that moment something lit up in me and I saw clearly how being a student, I was also becoming a guide, facilitator, teacher, and a vehicle for the teachings to reach everyone else. Then my two dreams could come true; the finding of my life purpose and, hopefully, the liberation of suffering of all beings as my goal.

Suddenly, another path appeared before me, closing behind many others, and leaving behind other dreams I thought were mine. But when you know, you know.

Another question arose in my thinking mind; how am I going to pursue my dream? How am I going to share these teachings to the world, when I, myself, am still learning? Krishnamacharya answered me with this quote:

“Teach yoga as you experience it. Then translate your experience into the needs of the person you are teaching.” Krishnamacharya.

It suddenly felt it was meant to be. The huge responsibility of teaching and passing on this knowledge became the most gratifying feeling in the world, the one I was born to do in this incarnation, and hopefully in all others.

When we all, as teachers, facilitators, guides, choose this path, we choose our Truth, we choose to share it, we choose Life.

For me, Yoga is the art of awakened experience. It would be so selfish not to share it!

I want to finish with a quote by my favourite writer (and I am sure a true Yogi at heart) Hermann Hesse, about how I perceive the journey of Yoga to be, the journey to the Self. For madmen only!

“I have no right to call myself one who knows. I was one who seeks, and I still am, but I no longer seek in the stars or in the books; I’m beginning to hear the teachings of my blood pulsing within me. My story isn’t pleasant, it’s not sweet and harmonious like the invented stories; it tastes of folly and of bewilderment, of madness and dream, like the life of all people who no longer want to lie to themselves.” Hermann Hesse.

“The underworld has gone into the unconscious: even become the unconscious. Depth psychology is where today we find the initiatory mysteries, the long journey of psychic learning, ancestor worship, the encounters with demons and shadows, and the sufferings of hell.” James Hillman.

Darkness. I have fallen into a well of darkness. Dense. Obscure. Black.

I can’t see anything, but there is a constant pounding, a constant drum-like force resounding in the atmosphere.

It is the sound of my blood rushing from my heart through my arteries and veins. Haven’t heard it so clearly before. Never listened to it in complete awareness. Now it’s such a deafening noise I can’t understand how I’ve ignored it my whole life.

I take a few deep breaths and I realize that the darkness is inside myself, and so is the light.

This awareness lights up the darkness around me, letting a little flame do its magic.

I can see clearly what the darkness is all about; and how necessary it has always been. Only in that moment of nothingness can all be possible.

Darkness is just the other side of the coin of existence, the unrevealed mystery and secret of light. It needs to spread its wings and cover the winding paths of our mortal half, so that the divine may arise and be reborn.

It will shed the layers of the past, it will destroy the sound of ego, and it will pierce us deep in our souls only to show us how bright and luminous we truly are.

Darkness, how much I’ve always feared your power! And now, you are my saviour.

I have been working and living on an island in the middle of nowhere for the past seven months. As the space to reach out is limited, the only place to really go to is within. I think that’s why I love islands, they make you learn and grow at a very fast rate. Each island is different, and each circumstance is different. But what is undeniable is the power of your own mind and will to overcome all situations.

Here are some of the lessons that I’ve learnt this time, on this island, in this circumstance.

1. Love

I was very lucky to be able to share this experience with my soulmate, the love of my life, my eternal partner in adventure. Having someone by your side that supports and uplifts you is a gift. It can also be seen sometimes as an escape from your own frustrations. And that is a dangerous line to cross. I have to admit I wasn’t the best at overcoming my own emotions on my own, and many days I paid off my negativity with the person who less deserved it. The key is to be aware of these weak moments and apologise, and learn from them. I want to tell him how sorry I am for sometimes letting him swim without a life jacket or boat in the chaos of my moods. The meditative state of mind isn’t easy to achieve, and we all have moments of joy, and moments of anger, fear and frustration. I’ve learnt, or tried to learn, how to leave perceptions of reality alone, and not take them too seriously. But sometimes I failed and I only caused suffering to the person I loved the most. We can let these moments bury us underneath layers of shame and regret, or we can let them teach us a life lesson; and that is my choice. I love you, and I will be eternally grateful for your presence in my life.

2. Family

Being far away from your loved ones teaches you to appreciate them even more. From a distance it is possible to see a bigger picture of what is really important. My family, my friends, have been with me in my heart and soul for all these months, but I have learnt that the time we spend with the people we love is a present, and as such we should always be thankful for them. Connecting often, and letting them know how much you care, comes naturally, because in the distance, and sometimes in your own loneliness, you will find that some relationships are eternal. Love is always present.

3. Time

Time isn’t real; it is just our perception of how change is impermanence; the passing of moments for eternity. Time can slow down, even stop, on an island. It can also be hectic at times when work overloads you. The secret is to steady the breath, and with it, steady the mind. I’ve learnt to appreciate the little moments I had to just sit down and be; to do Yoga and reunite my body, mind and spirit to the source of everything that is; to play my ukulele, to draw or write and read; to do what I love (apart from diving!). It is so important to keep time aside for yourself, to connect to yourself. That’s the secret of knowing that everything and everyone is in constant union; and that union starts with yourself.

4. Stages of Grief

The stages of grief are real, and we all go through them at some point in our lives. It starts off with Denial; denying the situation or circumstance you perceive yourself to be in. Then, Anger hits you, and it’s like a chaotic hurricane of frustration, fear, and negativity, that makes you lose sight of the greater picture. After that stage comes Bargain; you try to talk yourself into some kind of change that you think will make you happier; but real happiness can only come from within. Nothing exterior, will ever give you eternal joy. Depression might strike you in the beginning when you realise this. Nothing that you are doing, or trying to change externally is helping you feel better, or happier. At the end of it there is only one last thing to do, Accept. With acceptance comes surrender to what is, and with acceptance of what is, which is always perfect no matter what you think at that moment, comes true Freedom. And with it comes eternal joy, knowing that everything happens in the correct time and space, everything happens for a reason, you start to believe again in the greater picture.

5. Nature

An island is a perfect place to be in contact with nature, what else can there be! Green, and blue surround you. Mother Gaia in all her splendour. The Sun, trees, fruits, flowers, birds…. And the majestic Ocean that opens up to you and shows you its hidden treasures and eternal secrets (to me a lot, being a diver!). The stars and the Moon at night, showing us how life moves in constant cycles. Birth, Life, Death and Rebirth. Sunrises and Sunsets. We are part of Nature, our job is to protect her and be thankful for all that she gives us, day after day, without asking anything in exchange. Being underwater, being able to swim in the sacred waters of this world is a gift, and I am eternally thankful to be able to do it all around this beautiful Earth.

6. People

People will never stop surprising me. It is incredible to be able to connect with someone in such deep levels, and not do it with others. Our energy can’t be fooled. If you are truly attuned to your intuition, she will always guide you to find the connections that are really necessary for you to grow and learn. People we meet, we meet for a reason. They are mirrors that reflect back at us parts of ourselves that we love, or parts of ourselves that we detest. Everyone we encounter is an opportunity for our own growth and maturity; emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Never ignore these signs, they are a powerful portal to knowing your own true self.

7. Balance

Achieving balance in life is an art, and it takes practice and hard work. Balancing our emotions, and trying to keep under control our past conditioning takes time. I have learnt that whenever the focus would shift from eternal to materialistic forms of looking at life, I would lose balance. The key was to concentrate on my own breath; inhaling and exhaling. Giving and letting go. Life will always be full of ups and downs, good and bad, right and wrong…. But in reality that is only a perception, it isn’t real. The only thing that is real is equilibrium, and the only thing we will ever be able to control is our own perceptions of external circumstances. Learning how to do this is a lifelong path, one that I chose to follow every day.

8. Dreams

Probably the most important lesson for me. Since I was a small girl I have always followed my mother’s wise advice: “always follow your heart, no matter what”. When you follow your true passion, all the doors of the Universe will open for you. But, as I have lived many times, if you sacrifice your values and dreams, doors will start to close, and depression, grief, sadness will slowly settle in your soul. Only by knowing how to read the signs and following your own intuition and heart, you can find your life purpose. You are here for a reason, and deep inside, you know it. Unlock the mysteries of your own heart, and go for it!!!

So… here I go!